Porn that we can learn from
Smart people learn from everyone and everything, average people learn from experiences and stupid people have all the answers - Socrates
XXX videos. I would not dare to ask anyone what their preference could be. It’s controversial enough to mention it in any setting and many would find it difficult to stay neutral on the topic. That’s what makes this article from Todd Kashdan so provocative as he describes the lessons learned from manning the front counter of an Adult Video store at the age of 13. Labour laws and ethics aside, what was powerful was how he could learn from such a bizarre situation while still an adolescent, an experience which gave rise to Todd busking a unique tone on the streets of clinical psychology.
Lesson #3 struck me in a particular way: our values are exhibited when we are willing to endure discomfort for them. Before, it takes a certain bravado or sneak to obtain adult videos discretely. How curious it was when someone would come in walk up to a 13 year old at the counter and make a specific request for a particular… let’s call it ‘flavour’. This is an act of vulnerability and as Brené Brown says, “There is no courage without vulnerability”.
Where does the threshold of perversion lie for each of us? On the pure biological end of the continuum, it’s the primal urge to pass on our genetic material. Would your fancy be tickled by this headless (literally) mantis mating ritual
or videos of sharks in feeding frenzy get you off?
With the rise of the internet, brick & mortar video stores like where teenage Todd worked in are disappearing; the ubiquity of adult material has grown in tandem. Steve Bartlett in his podcast DOAC hosting Dr. Rena Malik, “the Better Sex Doctor” asks her opinion on how extrapolating technology like AppleVision pro’s “spacial video” feature could bring about a future where porn would be extremely immersive and stimulating that it disenchants future generation from wanting to endure the mess of actual physical intimacy. This kind of social dysfunction was written about by Isaac Asimov in the book “The Naked Sun” with the invention of advance “holography”, even sharing the same air space as another person brought about such severe anxiety that it triggered one of characters to commit suicide rather than being cornered into meeting with the protagonist in person. Dr. Malik’s response was a cautionary one that with controlled usage and safe conditions, research in ongoing that points to promising applications such as to gradually desensitise a person suffering from fear of intimacy.
Meandrousity
What can we learn? Social connection is a necessary ingredient for wellbeing, with civilisation’s advancement, each technological marvel increases our ability to connect wider and faster. The ultimate connection is sexual intimacy with all the disinformation and conversation taboo can leave us fumbling in the dark in our search. Our ability to traverse vulnerability’s uncomfortable landscape is essential to have deeper connections especially with those who mean the most to us.